You can't serve well two masters

I read this in the bible or somewhere, I forget where. But I think that it's true, and I think that it is my problem. I want to be good and innocent, and I do things that are good and innocent which build good energy. But then I turn around and do things that are excepted by society but that I know aren't neccesarily positive things. I justify doing these things, by telling myself that, everyone does it. But that doesn't make it okay. I know deep down that what I am doing, I am doing in front of spirits of those I love and respect. And I am doing what I am doing in front of an intelligent entity out there that has great influence over my life and the world I live in. And If I didn't block thought from entering my mind, I'd actually feel ashamed. It is lucky for me that those invisible forces that have such great control over my life are constantly forgiving, all I have to do is be good, as a show of faith that I can be good in the future, and they'll manipulate things favorably for me. But when I'm getting things straight with them, I inevitably hit a difficult patch. Something I need make right that seems impossible. This something is the negative influence that I have had on my brother. When I am not blocking thought, the regret and guilt of being a cold, unapproachable, at a time even sinister sister debilitates me. I don't know how to make it better, and so I go back to those things that help me to block thought. Television, masturbation, video games, once apon a time marijuana, and once even alchohol. I have found ways to beat so much of my guilt and regret, but to be honest I have no idea how I could fix things with my brother, and I am very afraid of trying. I once felt like the one missing relationship in my life was the relationship I share with the person I share this blog with. But I was wrong, It took reaching once again my to date zenith of happiness to realize that there is at least one more. My relationship with my brother.
If I could make well my relationship with my brother, then maybe my happiness would be invincible, nothing could destroy it. And at the same time I'm sure issues would be resolved for him, he'd be able to let go of the resentment that I know he has for me. And be able to love me the way I know that he does.