Love and Hate

I was doing perfectly fine before you came along. What's the point of putting other people down? Maybe you don't like yourself. "I love myself, what you eat don't make me shit!" You say that you don't compare me to other people but what is it called when you feel I'm not doing as well as someone else. (Subconscious mind: He needs some sort of coping mechanism to deal with his imperfections).

So there's a higher probability that my brother will be more successful because he finished medical school? Where does that leave me? Should I not be offended by that?(Subconscious mind: You're easily offended by everything; you're very emotional and extremely insecure). Am I just a self-wallowing a piece of shit that decided to teach overseas and backpack through five third world countries. (Subconscious mind: You need to start believing in yourself) I'm incapable of being a daughter?Well maybe you don't know how to be a father to me.

Do I get angry because I love you or hate you?

I'm not sure what I feel when we argue. I can't even make sense of my emotions. You are forcing me to deal with things I'm not ready for. Talking with you is quite refreshing, and sometimes the love I have for you is a bit misconstrued. Maybe, I should withdraw from you emotionally. "Be very careful about the choices that you make."

You see, I could never look at you as a father, but only as a man. That's what troubles me. Our relationship seems parallel to that of a high school couple. (Subconscious mind: He's manipulating you're losing control).

I don't get angry because I love you or I hate you.......

I get angry because I don't know what to do with you.......

I get angry because I don't know what I want from you......

I get angry because I think I'm falling in love with you........

Is Androgyny the NEW Sex

IS ANDROGYNY THE NEW SEX?
Is the merging of the sexes into one new sex the next step in evolution?
Is it a glimpse into the future that awaits us?
What is broad shoulders and strong jaws on a woman preparing us for?
What is the increasing feminity in men preparing us for?
What purpose will the adrogynes have in the future?
Yes I know that people who blur the lines between male and female have existed always, but one has not always been able to go out into the public, in the day and night, and see several of these androgynauts in one place.
Perhaps it is but attitudes that are evolving.
Even so, might a logical thinker tell me why I was born with broad shoulders, no hips, big hands, and MUSCLES. In my preteen years I was often mistaken for a boy even with long hair. I was born an androgyne. As I get older I have simply become aware of the oddness of what has always come natural.
Could hermaphrodites be the prototype for what is to come, and could the increase of androgynes be easing the people into the acceptance of hermaphrodites? Could human kind be evolving into A-sexual beings, due to the deterioration of the male female relationship?
Is everyone on the verge of being born GAY?
wOMEN men Androgynes HERMAPHRODITES... what next?
AND PEOPLE SAY THAT THE WORLD IS ENDING, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! THE WORLD IS JUST BEGINNING, AND WE ALL HAVE THE POWER TO AFFECT IT, GET YOUR IMAGINATION IN THE GAME

A Breath of Fresh Air

"Hey baby why don't you smile, what you got to be so mad about?", a handsome man asked. "Hey baby what makes you think you deserve my smile" she flipped her artificial hair and rolled her eyes simultaneously then walked away like a woman with much to prove. Air payed her tab and tipped the barman. And like a chain reaction rolled off her barstool and followed after this woman. She caught her oustide the bar, and took her arm. " Hey what's the matter with you?" Air asks the woman. The woman looks at Air calculatingly. "No cutey the question is, what's the matter with you". "What make you think that you can take any part of me in your hands." Air gently released her arm. She stepped back from this woman, and without understanding exactly why, she crossed her arms behind her back. "Why'd you give that guy in there a hard time?" Air asked, this time in a more unassuming tone."He asked you a harmless question." The woman looked Air up and down as if she was deciding whether to tolerate her. Finally the woman spoke, "You got a light cutey?". " Yes I've got one." Air took the lighter from her pocket, in anticipation of lighting something for the woman. The woman opened her handbag and the scent of the sweetest fruits mingled with the pungent scent of marijuana, seeped from it. The woman pulled a joint from the bag and placed it in her mouth before closing the bag. Air then reached with the lighter to light the joint, but the woman took the lighter from her hand, then lit it herself. The woman then held the lighter out to Air. Air took it back. "Thankyou" the woman said. "What's your name cutey?", "Air". "Mmmm..." the woman exhaled. "A breath of fresh air." the woman said smiling. Air understood ,then, why recieving this woman's smile was a privelidge. Her smile was brighter than the neon motel sign that could be seen by Air in the woman's backdrop. "You think that guy's question was harmless?". Air thought for a moment, and for the first time since she was a pupil, was afraid to answer a question. Air didn't want to say what she thought. She wanted to say what she thought the woman wanted to hear, but she honestly could not imagine what the woman might want to hear. She had never encountered a woman quite like this and could get no read on her. And so Air answered truthfully. "No I didn't see anything wrong with the question." The woman smirked femininely "Perhaps he as you believe, did not mean anything bad, but you know what sweety I don't mean to allow anyone to tell me what my disposition should be." "Men think that a woman is supposed to be happy and smiling and pleasant to them all the time, as if they're something so special. They think we something to decorate their world." " I ain't no decoration boo, I'm a person, I'm a woman, and to tell you the truth, as a black woman in this world I don't get much to smile about. I ain't going to pretend I do either. Let them see how much they stimulate me. I refuse to give my beauty to those that don't even see me as a person, don't respect my feelings." " I ain't got much, but I got my smile," the woman pressed her finger to her lips. "I got my mind" the woman pressed her finger to her head. " And I got this" the woman pressed her finger to the crotch area of her long loose skirt. When the woman pressed against her skirt, Air saw the imprint of the woman's inner thigh, and looked up quickly in order to avoid arousal. Air then had to ask herself why she hadn't indulged. Air wanted to tell the woman that she was sexy. She wanted to tell the woman that her skirt was pretty, and her hair was complimenting to her pretty face, but she had a feeling that her old tactics would not work on this new woman. The mix of this woman's attitude, with her resolve, her beauty, her femininity, her sweet sticky smell, made Air drunk. Air felt entranced, and powerless. She wanted to fall to her knees and look up at this woman. Air being unused to feeling less than superior to feminine women became angry at this woman's power over her, and struggled to remain, in her place. This woman had put Air in her place. They talked and the longer Air remained in this unfamiliar niche, the more Air liked it, she realized that it was very natural. Air felt more like the animal that she was, standing there,tamed, in front of this incredible woman. The woman puts the half smoked joint out, opens her bag, and drops it in. She closes her bag, takes Air's hand, and takes off down the street pulling Air behind her. Air not used to being dragged behind a woman, but leading a woman wanted to yank her hand away, but her intrigue would not allow her. Acquiescing to this woman did not make her feel as uncomfortable as she'd expected, she liked it.
The woman led her down the dark city street. She spoke smiling to women that she apparenty knew "Hey mama!". The women that she'd speak to, looked at Air with curiosity. Finally they stopped. Air looked up to read the sign on the building they'd stopped in front of, but there was none. The woman knocked once paused then knocked seven times quickly. The door was opened by a tall gorgeous young woman wearing the prettiest sheerest dress, and feathers in her hair. Air wanted so badly to know the smell of this odd yet pretty woman. She inconspicuously leans in to breath her in as they pass. She smells like lilac and cigar smoke. Air is pleased. The place is filled with bright spirited looking women. Women with big smiles and pretty eyes, all of them. Air's first reaction is to resent her hand being held by one woman in the presence of many. But watching the interaction of the women with the woman holding her hand, she sees that the woman holding her hand seems most revered and respected. Air seeing this then is glad even proud of being led around by this woman of women. They enter a parlor, and Air sees the most attractive sight she's seen in all her twenty-four years. She sees among the throng of ultra femine women, some young handsome men, and women that looked like her, with hats and men's slacks, vests and shirts. These young men and women aforementioned, are vying for the attention of these women. They are fetching things for them, singing to them, lighting their joints, massaging their hands, feet, shoulders. Air sees one of them painting a woman, while instructing another woman on the technique of painting. She sees one of them listening intently, listening passionately to a woman speak. She sees one of them sitting at a womans feet, having her head stroked like a dog, clinging to the woman's legs. Air is amazed at the power of these women. They are able to bring under their control attractive men and women, men and women who appear to have the looks and charm to bring women under their control, though would prefer to exert their energy for the priviledge to sit at these women's feet. Once through the parlor. Air is led up some stairs. Then to a room. Once inside the room the woman locks the door behind them. She tells Air that she likes her. Air is more used to women asking, if Air likes them. This woman acts as if there was never any doubt in her mind that Air liked her, or as if it didn't matter to her either way. "I want to know things about you", she says to Air. "I want to know things about you too." Air responds. She's starting to feel a physical force pulling at her, and feels as though she could not liberate herself from this woman's orbit now if she wanted to. Air opens her mouth to ask a question. The woman places her hand over Air's mouth before Air can speak. "Don't you dare question me. Everything you want to know about me, time will tell you." The woman seats herself at a vanity, mirror. Leaving Air standing at the door. She proceeds to take off her wig, and wig cap. She pulls down her hair, and begins to brush it. It's long, dark with tightly curled curls in pillowy tufts. It looks soft, and Air wants to smell it. Air walks over and sits on the bed. She looks around the disheveled room, first for some clarity in this dream-like situation, and second for clues. She sees several different wigs, hanging from bobs mounted on the wall. "She's always changing", Air says to herself. She sees subtly unique clothing hanging from a hook on the wall. "She has to be different, but she doesn't need attention." She sees a black and white picture of an old, wise looking woman with a tired smile stuck to her vanity mirror. "This old woman is most responsible for the woman that she is, and when she sits down in front of that mirror, she probably wants to be someone that that old woman is proud to look at." Air walks over to where the woman is sitting. She stands behind the woman, and looks into the mirror. "Do you think that she would approve?", Air asks the woman, while looking at the picture. The woman smiles from deep inside. Air can tell that she touched something."You never would have made it this far if she wouldn't." Air bends to smell the woman's hair, she doesn't hide her intent. The woman watches through the mirror.