Why do parents always feel the need to shield us from the truth? Well I finally reunited with one of mine after 10 years and I must say, that was some intense shit!
Dreadfully awaiting to punch in those ten numbers connecting me to the most important man in my life. Why was I so concerned with whether or not my alluring features would be interesting enough for him to look at? "You better lose that stomach if you wanna look like the girls on TV." Will starving myself for two and a half years be enough for you daddy?" "I just want you to love me, I just want you to think I'm beautiful." (Subconscious mind-You want everyone to think you're beautiful) Why does it matter what he thinks of me? (Subconscious mind-You can't respect yourself until you know he respects you). "It doesn't matter who I lie down with, as long as they love me, that's all I've ever wanted my daddy to do." "I probably won't find anyone as good as me, because honestly I'm not sure how good I am, daddy never told me."
10 years of hearing the same four lousy words uttered to me, "You have daddy issues." "Everyone wants to hurt me; why can't they all just leave me alone...AHHHHH!!!"
He should be the one trying to impress me after abandoning me for so long. (Subconscious mind- He doesn't know how to reach out because he's in love with you). "If I could marry you, I would, you are the love of my life, and I could never respect any other woman as much as I respect you." Now he's back -a new beginning. Should I just let him in like that? How should I know when I'm being too trusting or not trusting enough? (Subconscious mind-You'll never learn to love if you deliberately try to avoid being hurt).
"Daddy!"
The next day...........
So we officially got into our first argument today. Should I just shut him out now? (Subconcious mind-You need him; you don't have anyone). Our relationship is strange . What direction is he leading me in? Where is he taking me? "Do your friends know I'm in love with you?" "They don't understand our relationship; we have a very special relationship." (Subconcious mind- What if he tries it again, just like when you were a child)
Let's just put it out in the open, shall we?
Should parents who molest their children be given a second chance or should they be forced to live in exile forever? "I don't think he meant to hurt me, he loves me too much." What 's the difference between right and wrong? What the difference between ignorance and simply not knowing?
I ask myself everyday....Maybe it's all in my head, but at the time it didn't feel right and I was pretty tempted to speak up about it. But then, I realized I love him too much and I wanted him to love me back.
"Daddy!"
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