A short story that I read recently with a good friend of mine, made me think. Creative minds need to suffer. I could have done some research to support this theory, but I didn't. I didn't because I can simply speak from experience.
It is like my mind by default is bent on making me unhappy, frustrated, miserable. It is only through the exertion of great energy that I am able to act for the sake of happiness.When working toward my happiness, I am overwhelmed by a need to act to sabotage it, I am hounded by voices of advisors who seek to influence me to act destructively.
Is it a coincidence that, when I am at my most discontent, I am able to create the most satisfyingly beautiful writings, the most creative shit. When I am happy, my work is greatly uninspired. When I am evenly content, I cannot write nor develop ideas a lick.
Whenever I get what I want, I unconsciously act in a way to cause myself to lose it. I sometimes even give it away. Why? I have to ask myself, why must I give myself a reason to suffer?
I am my worst foe, because I know what temptations I am most susceptible to. I am convinced that it may take not even a lifetime but several lifetimes to build, through self analyzation, immunities to all of the temptations this world has to offer to my descructive nature. But am I willing to give up my ability to go deep and create?
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There’s a quality of legend about freaks. Like a person in a fairy tale who stops you and demands that you answer a riddle. Most people go through life dreading they’ll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They’ve already passed their test in life. They’re aristocrats. ---Diane Arbus
Praying Tree
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