I was never meant to stay in one playce. I was supposed to go playces. Meet peep-pull. See peep-pull living. I was supposed to write about the things I saw the way I saw it. I was supposed to bring joy to many, and cry for people I didn't know. I was supposed to but... I didn't. I let her hold onto me. I let her use me as I used her. I sinned, all 7 of them. I died. I was reborn. I died I was reborn. I died. When will I be reborn again. I don't know if I will. And I don't care. Maybe it's because I don't care, that I can't find that renewal of spirit, of will. Or maybe it's because there's nothing left for me, and that's why I can't care. I've never in my life been able to look into the mirror, into my eyes and see No Thing. No Thing at all. It's really sad really, but I only know it, I don't feel it. I don't know if it's poor nutrition, this vegetarian thing is tricky. Or if my spirit has really died. Is my spirit dead. I don't see it's light flickering in my eyes. The other day someone on the bus told me that they could see it. They said that I had a God spark in my eyes or something like that, but I don't see it. I don't feel it. I only know it. All the feeling is gone. I don't feel anything. If my breath was cut off right now, and I was dying in body I don't know if I would care. What's a body without a spirit man, seriously. I feel robbed.

It's dangerous to care in this house. It's like being a sheep in a wolves den. I have to act like a wolf in order to avoid being attacked by the wolves. I want to leave so bad. This is the wrong place for me to be. This isn't who I am. I'm not better or worse, I'm just not this. I'm an adventurer, I'm a lover of all, I'm sweet, and I care about people. I'm gonna die, I may as well accept that. I'm gonna stay here in this hole in the ground, because the walls are muddy and slick, and as good a climber as I am, I can't climb out. I need help. I need help. I would be so grateful if someone were to rescue me from my current fate. Help me onto the longer thicker path of the lifeline of my right palm. But that's not going to happen. Everyone is in their own hole. May as well just stay here and wait for the gods to cover us all over. And begin again.